I Lost My Last Brother Now What?

boy crying, grieving — Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels

I Lost My Last Brother Now What?

Remember the small details of life.

Does grief worsen with the loss of each loved one? How do I find the answer to this? There were four, now all have departed.

The phone rang. It was Beth, my niece.

Uncle Richard, “I don’t know how else to say it, but my dad, your brother, Joe, died this morning.”

Joe on the left and I this past November

It was Wednesday; I guess Death doesn’t wait till Friday or the weekend. Death delivers its gut-punch whenever it pleases. It wasn’t unexpected, but I grieved none-the-less. I’m grieving the loss of my brother. But, the loss of the other three deepens my grief.

I’m the youngest of seven. The two oldest in the family are my sisters. Yes, that’s present tense. My sisters are 92 and 89.

The Armstrong line had nine in number, now only three remaining.

Now what?

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” Morrie Schwartz in Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom

Yes, I know the scripture reads, we do not grieve as those who have no hope. But we do grieve — grief, multiplied by four.

I’m living the answer to my question. Does grief worsen with the loss of each loved one? The answer is a resounding, YES! All my brothers are dead; now, only I remain.

I’m a pastor, and I do funerals. I know the inescapable is only a thought, not reality. Death reminds us life has a timestamp.

We bury their bodies, but their spirits live on, and we hold tight the memories.

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others” — Pericles — 447 AD

The phrase, ‘woven into the lives of others’ explains my grief to a greater degree. My four deceased brothers weaved strings around my life, and now those strings are loosed. I cannot tie the knots tighter with any of them. It’s over.

My brothers, do not accept phone calls, nor do they open the door for my visits. But each holds a memory for me.

Joe was the only one of my brothers to earn a Master’s degree in Social work. He was chief of Social Work for over thirty years at various V.A. hospitals. Joe and I were polar opposite politically, and we had fun with our differences. We lived in the same polling district at one time. He was in line to vote with one person between us. Joe looked back at me, saying, “so your here to vote,” I replied, “Yes, I’m here to cancel out your vote.” The man between us dropped his jaw in disbelief. Joe and I had a good laugh. Love your siblings, do not let politics separate you.

Joe steamed corn on the cob over a wood fire, and the whole tribe of us ate, told jokes, and laughed. We had a horse and a pony when I was young. Paul took me for rides in the pony cart. John let me use his Buick to take my driver’s test. Art fixed everything I broke. These scenes are stamped in my memory and will never happen again.

Did you notice what I wrote above, my memories are the small details of life, not the monumental happenings? We build memories in keeping vibrant relationships.

All four brothers and Mom and Dad are gone from this life now. I hear this song in my mind most night lately as I go to sleep. Written by my former pastor, Ira Stanfill, Supper Time

We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord. II Corinthians 5:8

So, Now what?

Why does each successive Death of a sibling deepen the grief?

Helen Keller said, “Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there’s a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see.” I’m not blind as was Helen, but now life has become more clear to me. For me, with each brother’s Death, I see life better. Yes, the grief remains, but now I hold onto life with more gusto than before.

It has taken me over a week to write about my brothers. Deep thoughts about Death and dying reveal thoughts I’m dealing with

I’m the last son living. Why does it matter so much? I need some help with this one.
When the nephews and nieces cry, Uncle, I’m it. The one and only, not so great.
Life’s but a stage, and soon we exit left. Then we become a memory.

If we love still those whom we lose, can we altogether lose those whom we love?” — Thackery

I’m on a quest to understand what I’m feeling. Can you give me some insight?

Thanks for reading,

Richard

Publishous

How to be your best self.

Richard L Armstrong

WRITTEN BY

Richard L Armstrong

As an ordained Christian minister, Richard has traveled to 14 nations teaching people to make better choices. richard-armstrong.com

03/16/2020

How This Old Couple Is Facing the Reality of the Coronavirus

How This Old Couple Is Facing the Reality of the Coronavirus

Common sense to keep you calm now.

Richard L Armstrong

Mar 15 · 3 min read

My spouse is 82, and I’m 77 but not in a panic mood. A sense of calm prevails in our dwelling place.

We told our adult children not to visit us for the next couple of weeks. We are in self-quarantine. We don’t have any symptoms but don’t want to have any, either.

We’re both retired, so there is no need to be at the office or job site. Our car is in our garage, we have food in the freezer, and no, we do not need a new supply of toilet paper.

What’s with this deal of stocking up on huge amounts of TP? If you need that much on hand you probably should have gone to the doctor long ago, my goodness!

5 + spirituality common sense thoughts to stay calm even in troubled times.

Keep your relationship with God vibrant. Read your Bible, have devotional times with your spouse.

2. Do the reasonable thing, keep in touch by phone with family, friends, and neighbors with encouraging uplifting conversations.

3. Embrace this time of solitude. Quiet time brings strength to your body, mind, and spirit.

4. Eat right, move more, live longer. It’s time to evaluate your daily routines. Make efforts to change where change is needed.

5. If you have the symptoms of the Coronavirus virus, yes, pray, but call your doctor. The most spiritual move is to keep from infecting others.

Calm yourself with these 5 + points.

Plus one-Come to Him, not just follow, that’s right look to Him face to face.

Matthew 11:28; Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.

Plus, two-You will experience perfect peace by putting your trust in Him.

2. Isaiah 26:3; You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!

Plus, three-God can restore and support you during this time.

3. I Peter 5:10; In his kindness, God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.

Plus four-When you encourage others. His peace will be yours to enjoy.

4. II Corinthians 13:11; Dear brothers and sisters, I close my letter with these last words: Be joyful. Grow to maturity. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace. Then the God of love and peace will be with you.

Plus five-even in troubling times, you do not have to be troubled.

5. John 14:27; Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

Even in these uncertain times, we as a couple are secure, calm, and not in fear.

I wish for you to have peace and a calm spirit during this trying time.

Here is my suggestion for you today;

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. Colossians 3:15

You have a choice to make.

Release your anxiety, replace it with the calm reassurance that you have a God who cares for you.

Thanks for reading.

Richard

03/14/2020

How to Make a Successful Transition

How to Make a Successful Transition

Focus on what to do next.

Richard L Armstrong

Mar 12 · 4 min read

Not all transitions are dramatic.

Sometimes change is expected but not welcomed. However when the end comes you’re adrift on a sea of uncertainty.

Stepping through the kitchen door after working the midnight shift I noticed the kitchen countertops were bare. In the eerie stillness, I knew she had left. The sun was shining but darkness flooded my soul. I had entered the Trilight Zone of transition. My eyes gazed into an uncertain future.

How will you navigate change?

One day your life is humming right along, then kaput the bottom drops out. At times you got an inkling, a hint, somethings not right. But you ignored it, push it aside, then reality hit you in the face. Boom. Now what?

I don’t wish it on you but life has a habit of throwing curves. A divorce, job loss, spouse or relative dies unexpectedly or your house burns down.

Now you are in a transition, what you thought was secure is not.

Five points will help you through this difficult time.

I know it is not easy for you, but I’ve been there, done that, and came out victorious on the other side. The victorious part I’ll get to later.

These five points are not out of a book. These are from my real-life experience.

Five Significant Choices When You Are In A Transition.

Refocus-analyze the complete picture.

Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer. Denis Waitley

At this time in your life, everything is out of focus.

My sister helped me with this. I called her and told her what happened. She drove to my house. I had all the blinds pulled down, the house was dark. She came in pulled all the blinds up, put a record on my record player; (Yes it was that long ago.) “Cheer up, Richard, it’s a new day!” Dwelling on the past was not helping me move into an uncertian future.

2. Realize-what you still have, not what you lost.

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. Eleanor Roosevelt

I still had my sisters and brothers and friends. I had a good job. Yes, you may have lossed a lot but whatever you have to cling to, now is the time to assess what remains.

3. Recognize-you cannot control the uncontrollable.

Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be. John Wooden

You cannot control others, they will do whatever it is they want to do. Release the business owner, when he wants to downsize he will. You’re fired, move on.

One of my favorite scriptures prodded me to move.

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. Psalms 23:4 (My emphisis)

The optimal word in Psalms 23 verse 4 is; ‘walk’. It’s an action verb. Through the transition, you will experience dark days. Throw the covers back, get out of bed and get moving. I mean that literally, a twenty-minute walk will clear the cobwebs from your mind.

4. Reduce-unnecessary stresses by learning to say ‘no.’

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. William James

Mr. James is spot on; we get to choose the thoughts we think. This is the time to minimize obligations. Learn to say, No. I wrote the word ‘no’ is a complete sentence.

5. Regain-your sense of humor

I’m talking here of a sense of humor, not hilarity. There is no amusement in a loss. Humor provides a needed sense of buoyancy to your life. In other words, humor allows you to keep your head above the water.

What do I mean by saying after a divorce I came out victorious?

Over fifty years ago I met Fran. In a few months, we will celebrate our fiftieth wedding anniversary. Hooray for us!

I have these five points on the back of my business card. The first letter of each word is ‘R’ which makes these points easy to remember. Even though they are difficult to practice, each word will hasten your recovery.

Jot these words in your notebook as a reminder.

Refocus — Realize — Recognize — Reduce — Regain.

Join my Rich List to stay connected.

Thank for reading,

Richard

03/14/2020

How to Start the Day Right Every Morning

How to Start the Day Right Every Morning

Begin with a good frame of mind

Richard L Armstrong

Mar 9 · 4 min read

It is 6 A.M. You have a choice to make.

What is the first thing you do?

It is time to wake up and face the day. You have appointments, a job to go to and family to take care of, I know, but, before you throw the covers back, speak praise to the Lord.

When we begin our day with praise it fills our day with the ambient music of praise to God. How wonderful is that?

Psalms 34 is a great chapter to read and it begins with praise.

I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak his praises. Psalms 34:1

I’ll get to the idea of praise, but first, I encourage you to read Psalms thirty-four. This chapter is one of my favorites. This chapter contains an astounding package of instructions on how to live an overcoming life.

The shortlist contained in Psalms 34.

Guides you on how and when to praise the Lord.
The assurance that when you are in need of help, God hears.
You will discover, God has placed a guard around you.
You will not have a lack in your life.
You will read instructions on assuring you of a long and prosperous life.
God’s eyes are on you, and His ears are ready to hear your cry.
God is in the rescue business.
You are not condemned by Him but redeemed.

I’ve discovered praise to God first in the morning will pull back the covers on an astounding day.

First, the secret.

Begin the day with praise on your lips, no request, just an unadulterated word of praise to our mighty God. Yes, pure praise! Do not mix requests with your praise. First words in the morning flowing from your lips are all praise. You will have many opportunities to request God’s help throughout your day. But not now, this is praise time.

Okay, you need some suggestions:

Thank you, God, for a good night’s sleep.
Lord, You are so good to me.
You have blessed me with this beautiful day.
I’m forever grateful that Your mercies are new every morning.
God, thank you for Your faithfulness to me.
I love you, Lord, You are the Rock of my salvation.
Oh, Lord, how majestic is Your name to me.

The list could go on praising God. But you get the idea, don’t you?

Nary a request or a plea for help, just thankfulness for who God is to you.

Now, throw back the covers, make the coffee and begin with the rest of your day.

I promise you, you’re day will have a new crispness, the sun will shine brighter, and happy faces will greet you throughout the day.

The end of verse one of Psalms 34 is interesting, the thought of praise all day long. How?

“… I will constantly speak his praises.”

“Praise now is one of the great duties of the redeemed. It will be their employment forever.” — Albert Barnes

But Richard, “I have other things to do and to speak about. I can’t keep muttering praises to God all day.” I hear you, but haven’t you heard of ambient music? It plays in the background. Praises huming along while you go through the day.

It’s background music, we used to call it, doctor-office music. A soothing constant peaceful sound. Praising God first thing in the morning brings focus to your day. It provides a lense magnifying God to you.

When you begin your day with praise it fills your day with the ambient music of praise to God. How wonderful is that?

The beauty of brevity. It brings focus to what we are saying.

In my examples above you notice the praises are succinct, meaning they are short and to the point of praise and nothing else. I’m not suggesting you go on a long-expression of your thankfulness. No, You can have devotions later. This is eye-opening praise.

Now, you have a choice to make.

What will be your choice tomorrow morning?

Keep in touch with me, join my Rich List.

Thank you for reading,

Richard

02/29/202003/14/2020

Quotes on Five Reasons to Have a Job

Quotes on Five Reasons to Have a Job

WORKING NINE TILL FIVE

Quotes on Five Reasons to Have a Job

Going to work is a good thing. Worker bees fill the hive with honey.

Richard L Armstrong

In America, there are many ways to make a living. Having a job to drive to each morning may not be your idea of a perfect day. That is fine. But the basis of income generation is ‘a job.’ Having a job is a gift, recognize it as such.

I have five reasons to look at a job as a gift to be enjoyed.

1. Having a steady job builds structure into your life.

Let us realize that: the privilege to work is a gift, the power to work is a blessing, the love of work is success! David O. McKay

From this moment on, you will recognize your job as a gift. Now with a job to go to each morning structure will be built into your daily routine. You would not rent or buy a house that was not structurally sound to make it your home. Why not? Because a structurally unsafe house does not allow peace of mind.

The gift of having a steady job brings order and peace into your life.

Except if your job requires working three rotating shifts.

I rotated three shifts for seventeen years. But, even in the disorder of my job schedule, it provided a pattern for me to follow. In the last five years of my twenty-two years at the factory, I enjoyed an all day-shift schedule. Hallelujah!

2. Your circle of influence will grow.

People who work together will win, whether it be against complex football defenses or the problems of modern society. Vince Lombardi

Having a job with people forces you to rub shoulders with who you would not usually get to know. This will increase your knowledge of how other people think. Your cacoon of self-indulgence will be ripped open. The eyes of understanding how the world works will be opened.

3. You will learn a new skill or improve the one you have.

I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor. Henry David Thoreau

The ability to do things you never dreamed of doing will become second nature to you. A job places a burden on you to perform above what you thought impossible, and that’s a good thing.

4. You’ll have more to talk about with family and friends.

The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love and something to hope for.” Allan K. Chalmers

Having a job broadens your conversations. You have more topics to discuss with others. A job makes you a member of the producing society of our country, making you a happy conversationalist.

5. Your income will be steady.

“Inch by inch, life’s a cinch. Yard by yard, life’s hard.” ― John Bytheway

Yea, I know $15.00 an hour seems not enough. But that’s $600.00 for a forty-hour workweek. If you put $25.00 in savings each week at the end of the year, you’ll have a $1,300.00 nest egg in the bank. If you’re thirty-five years old and single in one year, you will have saved what most have spent thirty-five years collecting. Here is the proof.

Slow and steady wins the race. I’m sure you’ve read the story of the Tortoise and the Hare. You should reread it before you sleep-in another day. The rabbit took a nap on his race with the turtle, to the rabbit’s surprise when he crossed the finish line, the turtle welcomed him — a simple story with a massive lesson for us to embrace.

With the steady income, money in the bank, you will experience satisfaction with the direction your life is taking.

The word, BANK has several definitions. One is the location you store your money. The other is a bank along a river. Saving money builds banks along your river of life securing a better financial future for you.

My wife and I are not rich, never made astronomical sums of money, but we are living a comfortable retirement. How did this happen? Little by little, inch by inch, we put money aside for when our final workday would end. We are happy, content, and fulfilled living in retirement.

A steady job will:

Build structure in your life. Having a job is a privilege; some people still wish to obtain
Your circle of influence will expand. Working at a job with others, we all win.
You will add new skills. By conscious endeavor on the job, you’ll elevate your life to a new level.
Joining conversations with others will be easier for you. You will enjoy the essentials of happiness, which are; “something to do, something to love and something to hope for.”
You will have money saved. Your wishful thinking will be replaced by the ‘inch by inch’ principle of savings piling up in your bank account.

A happy bee is one with honey in the hive. Happy you are with money in the bank.

Do you see the job you have as a gift?
What are you prepared to do to change your attitude towards the job you have?

Let’s keep in touch. Join my Rich List

Thank you for reading.

Richard

02/24/2020

Why Just Three Quotes Can Make You Think Differently

Why Just Three Quotes Can Make You Think Differently

Here’s the problem. For most of us over sixty-five years of age, we have listened to more negative than positive words. News reported on TV, Radio, newspapers and the internet is the bad stuff that has happened or is going to happen soon.

So, what’s the way out of this negative soup?

In order to relish living above this negative centered world, we must think differently. It begins with a thinking brain and the use of a few great quotes.

The three quotes I write about prodded me to search what dominates a person’s thought processes.

I zeroed down to one word to guide me through this year. The word is, THINK.

The word, think is more than thinking before you speak or think before you act, no much deeper. To have clarity of thought you must realize only you get to choose what takes up residence in your brain.

For centuries people have written of this word.

Rene Descartes said in the early sixteen hundreds; “I think; therefore I am.”
Long before Descartes, King Solomon wrote, “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he…” Proverbs 23:7. Solomon directed this thought to a person’s actions which would spring from what was in his heart.
What we focus on becomes us.
My focus word; ‘THINK’ dives deep into my understanding of who I am.
You have a greater chance of success this year when you examine your thoughts.

From my treasure trove of quotes, three provided the push needed to focus on this word.

Restructuring your thought-life brings a freshness to the outlook on your life.

1. What do you need to push you into a positive thought-life?

The word for this year is; THINK which zeros into the realization bad, destructive thoughts will course through our brains. But, positive life-affirming thoughts are dancing through our minds as well. Which will you allow to capture your attention and cause you to act? You are faced with a choice. This quote captures our dilemma, warning us to be careful of which thought rules our attention span.

“Two natures beat within my breast. The one is foul. The one is blessed. The one I love, the one I hate. The one I feed will dominate. — Anonymous”

2. Your mindset will determine your outlook on life.

What is your rock-solid attitude towards life? This is an area where your thinking lives! Mindset is your decision-making tool, which becomes automatic in most people before they even give thought to what was said or the action taken. Your mindset to a large degree is determined by your family of origin, the education you received, the friends you keep.

Check out what Anthony Moore writes about how our thinking can keep us out of the race.

Isn’t it time, you determine what your attitude toward the outside world will be?

After all, we each live our lives separately but not alone.

Time spent today on dusting off the negativity of a preset mindset and becoming your own person will be time well spent. But it will send you back to the word; THINK.

I always say that people who are highly successful generally owe that success to their mindset. Conversely, people generally not successful are also that way because of a mindset. Dr. Ben Carson

3. Voicing your beliefs in an understandable way to others builds a structure to your mindset.

It is not until the house is framed do we see the profile of the building. How do you want the frame of your mindset to be displayed to the world? Have you given thought to think deep into what and why you believe what you hold in your heart and mind?

Oswald Chambers prodded me to think about the framework of my belief system. It’s so easy to ‘go with the flow’ or to believe, ‘whatever will be, will be’. Why not begin today to build a framework to enhance your profile to others. One in which you will be secure.

Always make it a practice to stir your own mind thoroughly to think through what you have easily believed. Oswald Chambers in My Utmost For His Highest; Dec. 15th devotion.

I began with the problem of overcoming the world’s negative mindset. Here’s the solution.

To THINK means:

A choice. You and only you get to choose the thoughts you will feed.
A mindset. Your attitude will determine the direction you go in life.
A structure. The mental framework you build determines your profile.

Will you choose the path of inspiration or be driven onto the road of desperation? Here’s some insight.

Why Choosing The Correct Path Is Important

In life change is inevitable. So important to make the choice to change before the change changes you. Will you choose…

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Find out what drives your choices. Click below.

I Have A Strong Dislike For These

Roads we travel in life must have boundaries.

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Thank you for reading,

Richard